Tag Archives: Humour

How Not to Hit on a Girl at the Gym

Posted in Healthy Living by

do not do this advice or warning - handwriting on pink sticky nMost women will tell you that the gym is not the ideal place to get hit on. Most women at the gym are there on a mission. It’s likely she’s managed to carve out enough time in her busy schedule to work out and she would rather not spend more time there than necessary. It was enough for her to muster up the motivation to go to the gym. Don’t give her a reason to skip her next workout.

Secondly, if she’s working out really hard, she is most likely sweating and feels disgusting. This is not the time she wants to be noticed. This is when she’s hoping no one is paying attention to her.

I know what you’re thinking. “But all I do is workout at the gym. Where else am I supposed to meet someone?” Okay, if you absolutely must approach a girl at the gym, here are some very important tips to remember.

When to Definitely Not Approach a Girl at The Gym

✋When she’s on the stair master

Don’t be the reason she falls off and has to go to the hospital

✋ When she’s dripping in sweat

She’s obviously working super hard. Don’t interrupt her momentum

✋ If she’s wearing headphones

She’s not wearing them so much to hear the music as to not hear other sounds around her in the gym. Sometimes I continue to wear my wireless headphones even if the battery’s dead

✋ If she’s wearing a hat

This is the universal sign for “I’m trying to be invisible”

I know, I’ve made this seem like a lost cause. I mean, it’s not entirely, but you should know what you’re getting into. This is dangerous territory and you must tread lightly if you hope to succeed. If you’re paying attention, a woman/or women will send pretty clear signals whether she/or they want to be approached or not. Here are some helpful tips.

Tips for Hitting on Women at the Gym (If You Must)

  1. If a woman hasn’t made eye contact with you, she doesn’t want to. It doesn’t mean she hasn’t seen you yet and you need to make her aware of your presence. She’s aware. Wait for the green light.

  2. Don’t scare/startle her. She’s most likely wearing headphones and can’t hear you coming up from behind. You don’t know if her natural defense is fight or flight. You could up with a punch to the face.

  3. Going off of point #2, wait for her to see you and decide not to run away. If she doesn’t want to stick around and tao you, don’t follow her.

Now, if you’re one of those women whose unfortunately fallen victim of one of the guys who has read this post and decided to try these tips out for himself, here are some great tips for avoiding people at the gym (or anywhere).

 

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Not Fashionably Late Enough

Posted in Life Tips by

party_lateI haven’t quite figured out how to be late enough to a party so that I’m not the first one to arrive, but not so late that I’ve missed the important parts. This is less of a how-to guide and more of a journey to how I figure out how to do this.

What do you do if you arrive before the other guests do? Do you sit in your car awkwardly? Do you turn around and go home and wait in your own living room until it seems appropriately late enough? How late is late enough?

Also, why am I hanging out with people who don’t arrive to parties on time? If you want people to show up at 8 p.m., tell them the party starts at 8 p.m. What kind of people have to be told the party is at 6 p.m. in order to show up at 8 p.m.?

Now, what if you decide to venture in early? Maybe someone walked and you’re not actually the first one (they didn’t and you are). What do you do now? The easiest thing to do is offer help to the host. How good are you at chopping vegetables? We’re about to find out.

I’m not a fan of small talk, but sometimes there are few alternative options, especially in situations like this. Assisting in the kitchen can help spur conversation. What are you cooking? Have you ever cooked that before? Actually, don’t ask that one.

When you run out of things to ask about the food (or they don’t need help in the kitchen), here are a few sample conversation starters. However, I do not guarantee they will work, but you are more than welcome to try:

  1. How was your week at work?
  2. What nail polish colour is that?
  3. Do you have anything exciting planned for the summer?
  4. Do you like sports?
  5. What do you think of *insert sports name here*?

I would also like to include that this quandary is not indicative of me getting older. It’s simply because it was ingrained in me to be early and I simply don’t know how to be super late. I basically have to give myself a “when the party really starts” time to aim for.

If you have any tips for this perplexing dilemma, please leave them in the comments below.

 

How to Survive The Canadian Winter

Posted in Canadian Living, Life Tips by

winter_blogSince both Punxsutawney Phil and Wiarton Willie had to go and see their shadows (you had one job!) and it doesn’t look like winter is coming to a close anytime soon, it’s best you be prepared. Don’t worry, I’m here to help.

5 Ways to Make Wintering Easier

Living in Canada, you learn very quickly (or with age) that it snows rather frequently. With that, you need to dress and act accordingly.

1. Waterproof Boots

It’s time to say goodbye to those impractical, pretty boots and say hello to something that will keep your feet warm and dry, especially when shoveling snow for a long period of time. You think your leather boots will be fine until you’ve been sitting at work all day and your feet refuse to warm up. Now, your boots don’t have to be ugly, but you should know that sometimes that’s what it takes .

2. A Long Coat

Yes, a short winter coat is not completely impractical; however, (in my experience) it’s more important to have a coat that will continue to keep you warm when you sit down, especially on the subway. It also helps to protect you from many a frigid breeze. Be kind to your behind.

3. Multiple Pairs of Gloves

I’ve learned that you can’t get everything you need from one pair of gloves. It’s important to have a pair of gloves that will keep you warm and dry while shoveling snow. Unfortunately, these gloves are not great for grabbing things, especially in your car. This is why you also need a pair of driving gloves. I suggest keeping them in the glove box. That’s what it’s for, right? Lastly, I always keep a pair of fingerless gloves on hand. These are very handy when using your phone, not that i do that when i’m driving, because that would be dangerous! They’re also handy while snacking in the car, there’s no need to lose feeling in your hands just because you’re hungry.

4. An Adjustable Snow Brush

That’s right, not just any snow brush. You need one that can swivel and reach across your car, allowing you to clean your car off more efficiently and allowing you to spend less time brushing it off. You’re welcome!

5. The Will to Go Outside

This one has actually been the most difficult for me to achieve. Sometimes, this means being a grown-up and realizing that if you don’t shovel the driveway, you will have trouble getting to work on time or you could fall on your face trying to get to your car. Other times, this means, throwing caution to the wind (mildy) and going out after dark . Even though it’s cold outside, it’s not good for your mental well being to hibernate until spring.

Neighbours: They’re Not Just to Complain About

Posted in Canadian Living, Life Tips by

neighbour_blogI  grew up in the country where neighbours are few and far between. Now that I live in the big city (suburbs), I’m learning that there’s something to having people closeby. They’re good for more than just a cup of sugar, which is helpful because I rarely (never) bake and the chances of me needing a cup of sugar are pretty slim. However, there’s a much larger chance I’ll need advice from someone familiar with the neighborhood (gossip) or who knows more about cars than I do. 

What your neighbours can do for you

1. Protection from thieves/intruders

Gladys Kravitz is way handier than people gave her credit for. If you don’t know who Gladyz Kravitz is, she’s from Betwitched…and we’re no longer friends.

2. Protection from (potential) murderers

See #1

3. They can keep you from blowing up your car and/or face

I’ve learned to appreciate the inquisitive neighbour who, after seeing me attempt to change a taillight, asks if I know what I’m doing. I did not…

4. Part-time dog friends

This is especially nice when your apartment does not allow pets.

5. Free entertainment

i.e. street peewee hockey, pool parties, etc.

6. Drama.

Just when you think it’s going to be another ordinary evening, you come home to find three cops parked on your street, in front of the house next door. 

7. Music

Before you can wish you can hear Twist and Shout blasting from your stereo, there it is, coming from the obnoxiously loud party next door.

8. Free swimming

Now, I haven’t actually figured out how to swing this one, but I’m working on it. Suggestions welcome. 

I suppose this also means that you should be willing, if able, to do the following for your neighbours as well… Also, this list is not all inclusive. If you have experienced other benefits from your neigbours, please, do share!

I Hurt Myself at the Gym So You Don’t Have To

Posted in Healthy Living, Life Tips by

gym_safetyYou’re at the gym. You’re in the zone. The last thing you want to do is ruin your workout by falling off of a machine. Yeah, it can happen. Fortunately for you, although unfortunately for me, I’ve already experienced a number of gym-related injuries. I’m here to share my misfortunes in the hopes that you can avoid an embarrassing gym moment or a nasty bonk to the head.

My Top 8 Gym Safety Tips

1. Watch where you’re going.

You may not think that this one belongs on the list. It does. Sometimes you’re in the zone and you’ve just finished an extremely difficult exercise and are moving onto the next. Before you know it, you bend down to pick up a weight and forget that the squat bar jets out further out than you remember. Bonk. Right in the face.

2. Don’t touch gym equipment and then touch your eye.

I don’t care how itchy your eye is. I don’t care if you think you’ve rubbed your finger clean on your shirt. Don’t do it. Your eye will get so much worse.

3. Don’t be dramatic when putting your weights away.

No matter how tired you are, place your weights down carefully. Remember, your fingers are very close by. It might look cool, but you know what doesn’t look cool? Blue finger nails…

4. Don’t kick gym equipment.

No matter how light a piece of equipment looks, don’t try to kick it out of your way. It’s gym equipment. You will hurt yourself.

5. Ensure the locker doors around you are closed before you tie your shoe.

You cannot imagine the pain that ensues when you stand up from tying your shoes and bonk yourself on an open locker door. Yes, it’s unpleasant.

6. The Internet is not the same as a personal trainer.

Exercise caution when trying a new exercise you learned on the internet. I don’t want to tell you that everything on the internet is bad. However, if you see a video and think, “Huh, that’s a creative use of that machine,” don’t do it! There’s a reason why that machine was not intended for that type of use.

7. Take Notes.

When working out with your trainer (assuming you read my previous post and got one), take accurate notes. If not, you could put the machine at an extremely low weight and fall off. I wish this didn’t happen to me. I also wish that I didn’t end up with a giant bruise on my leg from the fall.

8. Don’t challenge your trainer.

Yes, you want your trainer to push you to your limit, but exercise caution. He will rise to that challenge and you’ll be unable to walk for two days.