How to be a Sports Fan

So you want to be a sports fan, do you? Most people believe that a sports fandom is ingrained in you at a young age and can’t be developed later in life. This is not true. You can start to follow a new sport or sports team whenever you want. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’m here to show you how.

Step 1: Choose a Sport

First thing’s first. Select a major league sport. (You could also go the hipster route and choose a lesser known minor league, but for the sake of this tutorial, we’re going to go with major league.) This should be the easy part. Hopefully, you’ve decided to become a sports fan because you’ve recently discovered the joy of watching a particular sport and want to take your newfound joy to the next level. If you don’t enjoy watching sports, frankly I don’t know why you’re doing this.

Step 2: Choose a Team

Once you’ve chosen a sport to follow, it’s important to stick to one team. Own them. They’re your family now. Their fans are your family now. Now, it is possible to switch teams, but it’s very difficult and you pretty much just get the one grace period (if you’re lucky). Then you really have to stick to that team or no one will take you seriously (well, sports people). They’ll think you just jump to whichever team is winning and have no loyalty.

How to Select a Team

Hometown Favourite

Your team of choice can be selected through a variety of factors. Most fandoms are in support of their hometown. If your hometown doesn’t have a major league sport, you can support a nearby city.

Choose the Best Team

You can also go with team performance and winning history. A big part of being a sports fan is telling others why your team is better than theirs. If you’ve selected a team with a history of being the best, your arguments will come a lot easier.

Pick Your Favourite Colour

If all else fails, go with your favourite colour. Afterall, you’re going to be wearing a lot of it.

Step 3: Cheer No Matter What

Once you’ve chosen a team, you cheer for them regardless of how well they’re playing. It’s called patriotism.


Not Fashionably Late Enough

party_lateI haven’t quite figured out how to be late enough to a party so that I’m not the first one to arrive, but not so late that I’ve missed the important parts. This is less of a how-to guide and more of a journey to how I figure out how to do this.

What do you do if you arrive before the other guests do? Do you sit in your car awkwardly? Do you turn around and go home and wait in your own living room until it seems appropriately late enough? How late is late enough?

Also, why am I hanging out with people who don’t arrive to parties on time? If you want people to show up at 8 p.m., tell them the party starts at 8 p.m. What kind of people have to be told the party is at 6 p.m. in order to show up at 8 p.m.?

Now, what if you decide to venture in early? Maybe someone walked and you’re not actually the first one (they didn’t and you are). What do you do now? The easiest thing to do is offer help to the host. How good are you at chopping vegetables? We’re about to find out.

I’m not a fan of small talk, but sometimes there are few alternative options, especially in situations like this. Assisting in the kitchen can help spur conversation. What are you cooking? Have you ever cooked that before? Actually, don’t ask that one.

When you run out of things to ask about the food (or they don’t need help in the kitchen), here are a few sample conversation starters. However, I do not guarantee they will work, but you are more than welcome to try:

  1. How was your week at work?
  2. What nail polish colour is that?
  3. Do you have anything exciting planned for the summer?
  4. Do you like sports?
  5. What do you think of *insert sports name here*?

I would also like to include that this quandary is not indicative of me getting older. It’s simply because it was ingrained in me to be early and I simply don’t know how to be super late. I basically have to give myself a “when the party really starts” time to aim for.

If you have any tips for this perplexing dilemma, please leave them in the comments below.