Tips for The Realistic Cooker: Frozen Olive Oil

Olive oilDon’t Store Your Olive Oil Where It Can Freeze Into a Solid Mass

Now, you probably didn’t know this could be a problem, until it happens to you. I didn’t realize this was a thing. The conundrum was thrown at me when I opened my cabinet to find a frozen bottle of olive oil. Apparently the cabinet I keep my oil in is very cold because my olive oil was frozen solid. Faced with the problem of having a salad with just balsamic vinegar, I needed to act quickly.

How to Thaw Your Olive Oil

1. Boil Water

You might think this is the first logical solution, but who has time for that? Plus, it would create more dishes. You have a salad waiting and you’re starving! However, if you’re looking for a fancy solution, this is the one for you.

2. Body Heat

Why boil water when you have a natural source of heat at your fingertips. Take your bottle of frozen olive oil and hold it close like it’s your child, your frozen child who’s on the verge of hypothermia.

3. Warm Running Water

Still frozen, eh? Take that bottle and run it under some very hot water. That should release enough for you to enjoy your salad. Wala! A salad is born.


How to Drink Wine Like You’re Fancy

konzelmannwinery4I recently attended a wine tour/tasting. I highly recommend it! Apparently I’ve been drinking wine incorrectly my whole (legal drinking-age) life. Here I thought you simply pour it into a glass and drink it. Wrong. There are way more steps involved than I ever realized. Don’t worry, I’m here to share them with you so you don’t continue to make the same mistakes.

Step 1: Balance Your Wine

If you’re one of the many who hold your wine glass in order to keep it from falling over when you drink, you’d be wrong. Apparently, if you’re cupping your wine glass in your hands, this warms the temperature of the wine to that of your hands. This is wrong, according to the experts. Hold the glass by the stem as though you’re trying to balance a basketball on a pencil. Your wine-drinking experience is already more exciting, right? This balancing act can be increasingly difficult with those large, (it’s been a long week) glasses.

Step 2: Tip to See Film (Check for poison)

Lesson #1: Trust no one, even your waiter. Tip your glass ever so slightly to see the layer of film on the top. Yeah, I didn’t realize my wine had a film on top either. Apparently that’s a good thing. Are there any floaties on top or beneath the film? If not, excellent. You can proceed to step 3.

Step 3: Smell (Again, check for poison, or wine gone bad)

I’ve learned that being a wine connoisseur includes being increasingly paranoid. Don’t just slightly waft the aroma to your nose. Really get your nose in the glass so you can get super close to the wine. If your nose is actually touching the wine, you’ve gone too far. Back up a smidge. Do you smell that rich bouquet of flavours? Me neither. Just nod and agree with the wine snobs around you.

Step 4: Swirl

Now don’t get carried away. It’s not an aggressive swirl that can spin your wine right out of the glass and splash on your neighbour. Ever so gently, until you’re a real pro, swirl the wine around in the bottom of the glass. Your friends should be really impressed with you by now. Apparently, this helps to release the flavours.

Step 5: Swish It Around

Take a sip and swish it around in your mouth. Now, you don’t want to gargle it like mouthwash. You’re supposed to swish it around to get rid of whatever tastes already exist in your mouth. Now, you don’t have to spit the first sip out (although that’s what the “experts” suggest). Just don’t judge the whole glass by this sip. Cleanse that pallet so you can taste your wine from a blank mouth slate.

Step 6: Slurp It

This doesn’t involve slurping it from the glass. Sip the wine and then slurp it from within your mouth for about 30 seconds before swallowing. Yeah, I don’t really understand how this is supposed to work. I just pretended I was doing it and moved on to the next step.

Step 7: Smell it Again

I know what you’re thinking. You already smelled the wine. However, you just swirled the wine around and now it smells completely different. Again, nod and agree with the wine snobs.

Step 8: Drink Away

Yes, finally, if you’re not completely exhausted, you can drink your wine. Now, I’m not entirely sure on this, but I think you can just drink your wine normally from here on out. At least the wine that’s already in your glass. Pour another glass and you’ll have to start at step 1 all over again.

My Personal Take on Ice Wine: It’s not worth it. It’s crazy expensive, comes in a small bottle, and tastes like syrup (not the good kind). Save your money.  

Yeah, I Cook!

BobsBurgers_Kitchen_1Some people cook because their wallets demand it. Others cook for the sheer enjoyment of creating something so delicious they almost don’t want to devour it, but come on, it’s food. I find myself in some middle camp where I want to learn to cook just in case I need to some day. I also just want to be able to say that I can. I mean, I can cook. It’s just easier to convince others if I have concrete proof to point to.

Needless to say, my cooking adventure continues! In this ongoing adventure, I have made a few observations. Observations that I would now like to share with you.

Confidence is Key

Basically, just make it look easy and it will be. This is a classic case of “fake it until you make it”. I’ve also learned that you can throw pretty much anything you want into a bowl, as long as you do it with confidence.

Cooking Should Be Faster

It takes far too long to turn ingredients into food. More people would cook if it was faster. Just look at how popular the microwave is. As a side note, I’m pretty sure that most cooking tools are unnecessary and promote laziness. I mean, who really needs a garlic press? Can’t people just chew it?

The Oven Can Be Your Best Friend

The best recipes involve the oven doing most of the work. Throw it in a dish. Throw it in the oven. Wait. Done. Cooking shouldn’t have to be hard. Why do people choose complicated recipes when there are easy ones that taste delicious?

People eat lemon zest?

I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to throw out the skin when you’re finished with the lemon.

The Realist Cooker


So, I’ve decided to become a cooker. This is not to say that I don’t already know how to cook. I just haven’t had the need to in the past. Cooking elaborate dinners for one is not economical,  and frankly, I’m perfectly satisfied with a humble chicken and salad. Also, how difficult is it to pick up a dessert on the way to a party? It all disappears the same, maybe even quicker if it’s store-bought. With home-cooking comes possible illnesses. Personally, I’d rather go with the FDA approved option. But I digress.

Although I haven’t recently developed the need to cook, there’s no harm in practicing, in the event that, one day, individuals become dependant upon me for their nutrition and wellbeing. That, or I get bored with my current menu. I mean, how hard could it be? People on TV do it all the time.

How to Get Started

If you would also like to become a cooker, but don’t know where to begin, I am here to help. As someone who already knows…er…has recently decided to cook…more…I have the answers. Here’s what you do:

1. What do you want to cook?

Personally, treats and things are less overwhelming. No one’s livelihood is dependant on it.  If you don’t like it, you spit it out. Easy peasy. No pressure.

2. Find a Recipe

I like to look for simple recipes with roughly five ingredients or less. I don’t want to get caught up in long lists of items I’ve never heard of. If I already have all of the ingredients in my kitchen, automatically approved.

I also stick to recipes with a prep time of 15 minutes or less. I want to get in, bake, and get out. Who has all day to spend in the kitchen? However, this time limit does not include the time in the oven and/or stove. If I don’t have to be in the kitchen when it happens, it doesn’t count.

Also, if you know how to get a dose of TV magic, do it! Myself, I’m still figuring out how to enter my kitchen with all of the needed ingredients already measured out in convenient glass bowls. That Martha Stewart, how does she do it?

For some added inspiration, here is a link to my Eats Pinterest Board.*

3. Equip Yourself

If you expect to tackle your kitchen and win, you need to have the proper tools. You know, bowls, spatulas, a dough whisk, etc. For this, you can either raid your mom’s kitchen, or be adventurous, and explore a cooking store.

Side Note: 

Now, be careful who you share this news with. If you start announcing that you’ve become an avid cooker, people might start expecting dinners and fancy cakes at parties. I prefer the surprise approach. Like, “I brought a cake to your party. Yeah, I made it myself. What do you mean I don’t bake? Yeah, I bake!”

Stay tuned for more adventures as I explore the world of cooking/ refine my skills as a cooker.

*I feel the need to disclose that I am in no way affiliated with any of these recipe sources. Also, if you end up getting spammed and/or poisoned, I apologize. I haven’t actually clicked on all of these links/ made these recipes. I merely thought the pictures looked delicious.