I haven’t quite figured out how to be late enough to a party so that I’m not the first one to arrive, but not so late that I’ve missed the important parts. This is less of a how-to guide and more of a journey to how I figure out how to do this.

What do you do if you arrive before the other guests do? Do you sit in your car awkwardly? Do you turn around and go home and wait in your own living room until it seems appropriately late enough? How late is late enough?

Also, why am I hanging out with people who don’t arrive to parties on time? If you want people to show up at 8 p.m., tell them the party starts at 8 p.m. What kind of people have to be told the party is at 6 p.m. in order to show up at 8 p.m.?

Now, what if you decide to venture in early? Maybe someone walked and you’re not actually the first one (they didn’t and you are). What do you do now? The easiest thing to do is offer help to the host. How good are you at chopping vegetables? We’re about to find out.

I’m not a fan of small talk, but sometimes there are few alternative options, especially in situations like this. Assisting in the kitchen can help spur conversation. What are you cooking? Have you ever cooked that before? Actually, don’t ask that one.

When you run out of things to ask about the food (or they don’t need help in the kitchen), here are a few sample conversation starters. However, I do not guarantee they will work, but you are more than welcome to try:

1. How was your week at work?
2. What nail polish colour is that?
3. Do you have anything exciting planned for the summer?
4. Do you like sports?
5. What do you think of *insert sports name here*?

I would also like to include that this quandary is not indicative of me getting older. It’s simply because it was ingrained in me to be early and I simply don’t know how to be super late. I basically have to give myself a “when the party really starts” time to aim for.

If you have any tips for this perplexing dilemma, please leave them in the comments below.