I Got a Personal Trainer (Cue Panic)

pain-gain-arnoldI decided to try this new thing where I start my Saturday off with the feeling of impending doom. No, I’m not running away from a murderer (although sometimes it feels like I am).

As I venture further down the road to better health and wellness, I decided it was time I sign up for a personal trainer. I was convinced (yes, by said personal trainer) that in order to improve my workout and step up my game, I needed to take drastic measures. Personal trainer it is.

Now, along with the physical journey, there’s also a mental component. I’ve discovered there are 10 stages to mentally coming to grips with the fact that I now have a personal trainer (and might die). Allow me to share this roller coaster of emotions.

The 10 Stages of Having a Personal Trainer

1. Regret

After you sign up for your first personal training session, you may second guess your decision. You may start thinking you made a huge mistake and you’ll start making excuses. For example, the expense is more than your budget can handle, your schedule is full enough as it is, etc.

2. Pride

Next comes pride. You may think to yourself, “I don’t need a personal trainer. I’m fine. There’s no need for anyone else to push me. I’ve been doing a basically fine job for years. Yes, I look the same, but still…”

3. Justification

With pride comes justification. I mean, the internet is basically like a personal trainer and it’s free. The people on the internet never tell me I’m doing anything wrong. I realize they can’t see what I’m doing (or if I’m even exercising at all). However, they’re very encouraging. We’ve never met, but I’m sure we’d be best friends.

4. Panic

Once you come to grips with the fact that you indeed have a personal trainer, the panic starts to set in. You realize that impending doom is approaching. There’s no escape. Crap.

5. Increased Heart Rate / Sweat (Not the Exercise Kind)

After you’ve moved past the panic and stress, you want to dive right in. You don’t have to sit around and stress about the what-ifs anymore. Let’s rip this bandaid off already!

6. Impatience

Why hasn’t my personal trainer gotten back to me with a scheduled session?! Doesn’t he realize I’m trying to fix myself?!

7. Relief

You make it through day one and totally nail it. You can totally handle this. Piece of cake!

8. Anxiety

Wait…that was just the assessment?! More anxiety…

9. Pain

Everything hurts. You’ll drop a pencil and take a significant amount of time contemplating whether bending over to pick it up is worth the inevitable pain which will ensue. I think my personal trainer is trying to kill me. This better be worth it. Can’t there be gain without the pain??

10. Acceptance

This is the stage where you fully come to terms with the fact that you’re one of those people who has a personal trainer. I mean, celebrities have them and you wouldn’t say that they’re not smart enough to work out by themselves. Now, I haven’t actually reached this stage myself, but I’m pretty sure I’ll get there…eventually.

I Got Me A Sports Injury

dodgeball_2I’m no stranger to sports. I mean, I usually watch more on TV than I actually participate in, but I’m still no stranger. I’ve dabbled in sports. I’m in a fantasy football league. I do go to the gym regularly. Although, that’s not really a team sport. When a friend suggested we play dodgeball, I thought sure, what’s the harm? Dodgeball is no big deal. Kids play it in gym class. I was wrong.

Let me paint a picture for you. You’re in an arena playing one of the most intense games of dodgeball. Dodgeballs are flying in the air at rapid speeds. Oh right, and you’re on a trampoline, actually, many trampolines all attached to make a sort of super trampoline. I know what you’re thinking. How could playing dodgeball on a trampoline be anything but safe?

You’re finally getting the hang of it and BAM!!!! A dodgeball comes out of nowhere and smacks you so hard in the eye that you go down. Someone has to help you off the trampolines because you can’t see out of you’re right eye anymore. Actually, you’re not sure, but you can’t open it, which is basically the same thing. You’re eye’s all red and the right side of your face is starting to swell. Luckily, the employees are quite used to this and fetch you a bag of ice.

You then spend the rest of the evening with a bag of ice on your face and people stopping as they walk past you to offer their, “Ah! What happened?!”

But don’t worry, there’s free pizza. So it all works out in the end.

And five days later, you can finally open and close your right eye again, virtually pain-free.

Staying Skinny Beyond Swimsuit Season

Everyone talks about gearing up for swimsuit season. As summer approaches, it feels like everywhere you look, you see another ad or another article about “achieving that bikini bod”. So what do you do if, by some miracle, you do achieve that coveted bikini bod? What do you do when swimsuit season is over? As you pull out your box of chunky sweaters, you start to wonder if anyone would notice if your flat abs went away. Maybe no one would notice, except you.

Once the leaves start to change colour and sweater season is in full swing, it becomes harder and harder not to forget everything you worked so hard for and dive head first into a big ‘ole pumpkin scone. You start telling yourself that carbs are worth it. You start to think that eating whatever you want will make you happy. Don’t do it! Sure, you look fabulous in tights and a chunky knit. Don’t you want to look good in everything? Don’t you want to hold onto those jealous glances?

Think about everything you sacrificed to look as good as you do. Do you really want to go through that again next year? More importantly, do you really want to put your family through that again? I think they’ve suffered enough of your, ‘I need sugar! Where’s all the sugar?!’ rampages (see previous post).

Now, put down that brownie and hit the gym!

Sugar: Resistance is Futile

donut_1After eating healthy for the past few months, I can now say with confidence that it doesn’t get easier. Eating healthy is not for the faint of heart. No matter how many cups of water and unsweetened green tea you drink, the sugar cravings don’t go away. Although, the frequent trips to the restroom somewhat help to keep your mind somewhere else. I find the only thing that really works to keep your mind off food is to stay busy. The minute you sit down for a breather, you’re thinking about how long until your next cheat meal. Word to the wise, plan your cheat meal carefully. I’ve too often wasted a sweet treat on a cookie that really wasn’t worth it.  Continue reading