The Realist Cooker

Posted in Cooking, Life Tips by

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So, I’ve decided to become a cooker. This is not to say that I don’t already know how to cook. I just haven’t had the need to in the past. Cooking elaborate dinners for one is not economical,  and frankly, I’m perfectly satisfied with a humble chicken and salad. Also, how difficult is it to pick up a dessert on the way to a party? It all disappears the same, maybe even quicker if it’s store-bought. With home-cooking comes possible illnesses. Personally, I’d rather go with the FDA approved option. But I digress.

Although I haven’t recently developed the need to cook, there’s no harm in practicing, in the event that, one day, individuals become dependant upon me for their nutrition and wellbeing. That, or I get bored with my current menu. I mean, how hard could it be? People on TV do it all the time.

How to Get Started

If you would also like to become a cooker, but don’t know where to begin, I am here to help. As someone who already knows…er…has recently decided to cook…more…I have the answers. Here’s what you do:

1. What do you want to cook?

Personally, treats and things are less overwhelming. No one’s livelihood is dependant on it.  If you don’t like it, you spit it out. Easy peasy. No pressure.

2. Find a Recipe

I like to look for simple recipes with roughly five ingredients or less. I don’t want to get caught up in long lists of items I’ve never heard of. If I already have all of the ingredients in my kitchen, automatically approved.

I also stick to recipes with a prep time of 15 minutes or less. I want to get in, bake, and get out. Who has all day to spend in the kitchen? However, this time limit does not include the time in the oven and/or stove. If I don’t have to be in the kitchen when it happens, it doesn’t count.

Also, if you know how to get a dose of TV magic, do it! Myself, I’m still figuring out how to enter my kitchen with all of the needed ingredients already measured out in convenient glass bowls. That Martha Stewart, how does she do it?

For some added inspiration, here is a link to my Eats Pinterest Board.*

3. Equip Yourself

If you expect to tackle your kitchen and win, you need to have the proper tools. You know, bowls, spatulas, a dough whisk, etc. For this, you can either raid your mom’s kitchen, or be adventurous, and explore a cooking store.

Side Note: 

Now, be careful who you share this news with. If you start announcing that you’ve become an avid cooker, people might start expecting dinners and fancy cakes at parties. I prefer the surprise approach. Like, “I brought a cake to your party. Yeah, I made it myself. What do you mean I don’t bake? Yeah, I bake!”

Stay tuned for more adventures as I explore the world of cooking/ refine my skills as a cooker.

*I feel the need to disclose that I am in no way affiliated with any of these recipe sources. Also, if you end up getting spammed and/or poisoned, I apologize. I haven’t actually clicked on all of these links/ made these recipes. I merely thought the pictures looked delicious.

How to be Invisible

Posted in Life Tips by

dummyConfrontation is uncomfortable. It’s even more uncomfortable when it involves telling someone that you don’t like them. My theory is: avoid confrontation at all costs. If you are quick enough and have a stream-lined system, you can still enjoy your favourite places, like the gym, without running into or having to face the seemingly inevitable uncomfortable situation.

Hypothetically speaking, let’s say you unintentionally caught the eye of someone at your gym. How did this happen? This is your happy place! Your escape from the world! You just renewed your membership for another year and now you have to quit! No, you don’t. Okay, let’s call that Plan B.

I’m here to tell you, there’s a better way. I call it the “get in/get out” approach. At the gym (hypothetically speaking), there are some people looking to chat. Some might even go out of their way to find you and start up a conversation when you’re clearly trying you pretend you didn’t see them when you walked in.

Earphones provide a great “La, la, la, I can’t hear you. I’m listening to music/ I’m in the zone” kind of vibe. I recommend one of those handy arm straps so you can continue to work out without having to also hold your phone/Zune/music listening device of choice. You don’t actually like listening to music when you work out? Not a problem. Handy tip: listening to music and pretending to listen to music look pretty much exactly the same. Maybe bop your head a few times so it looks like you’re really jamming out.

Focus is also key. Keep your eyes from straying and accidentally catching said person’s eye who might then notice you looking at them and take it as you wanting to talk to them/be friends in real life/outside the gym (or wherever). When you’re on the treadmill, look at the screen or your phone. When you’re walking from the treadmill to your locker or weights, look at the ground. You can also try looking down at your phone and pretending that you’re checking an important message, but this takes a skilled individual with a keen sense of their surroundings. If done incorrectly, you could accidentally walk into said individual and your carefully thought out plan goes straight in the garbage.

If you’re as stealth as an anvil and you’re not willing to bite the financial bullet of Plan B, there’s always Plan C. Write a blog post about your current situation and hope that said individual happens upon it and realizes that you’re a nice person who just didn’t want to break his heart and/or crush his dreams. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

From My Crazy Relatives to Yours

Posted in Family by

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It’s Christmas time again. Well, it was. With grandchildren having their own children, our group has grown to about 40 people. Let me tell you, even when you know most of them, 40 people in your basement is pretty overwhelming.

Vivid Dinner Conversations

Each dinner is filled with unique, fascinating conversations. However, my family’s definition of “fascinating” tends to be different than most. This year, my uncle decided to tell one of the young ones a fun animal story. Kids like animals, right? I don’t know why she had such a terrified look on her face at the end. His mouth didn’t move to the side of his face. He just started keeping extra teeth there…for emergencies.

Spot the Uncomfortable Grandchild

Having old immigrant grandparents, you’d probably think my family get-togethers are filled with interesting stories from a time now read about in history books. Well, you’d be wrong. Yes, my grandparents lived in an extraordinary time; however, these are not the stories they decide to share with me. Instead, they love to sit me down and talk about the wonder that is the ocean. I bet you didn’t think someone could talk about the ocean for a half hour. Well, my grandfather can, and he sounds nothing like David Attenborough.

Thankfully, I have amazing cousins who keep an eye out for trapped grandchildren and come to their rescue. Although, when it was my turn to rescue my poor cousin, I was not so successful. I’m going to have to come up with a backup next time my “Oh hey, I think your mom needs you upstairs” gets shot down…

What Has Uncle Joe* Read About This Year

Speaking of uncomfortable conversations to avoid, I have this uncle. Lets call him Uncle Joe. Uncle Joe reads a lot of “educational” books. I use the term educational loosely as most of them are filled with crazy medical theories that make you want to scream, “No!”, but there’s no reasoning with, “It’s 100% true. I read it in a book.” Ok, Uncle Joe, wheat is the root of all diseases…and evil. Good luck with that…

This year did have a surprising twist ending, though. Unlike the usual, “When are you going to settle down and start a family?”, my grandmother told me, “Take your time. There’s too many people here already.” Okay…Good to know.

*His name has been changed to protect his identity.

I Got Jury Duty…Again

Posted in Canadian Living, People Watching by

This is the second time I’ve been “randomly selected” for jury duty. Surprisingly, it’s not as exciting as TV would have you believe. It’s a lot of waiting and standing around. If you’ve ever wondered what jury duty is like, it’s basically like waiting at an airport terminal for a plane that’s delayed, indefinately.

Most people tell you that as long as you present a half-decent reason, they’ll excuse you from jury duty. These people are wrong. Even if you work at an institution that works heavily with lawyers and your boss tells you that as long as you tell them what you do for a living, they’ll excuse you. He’s wrong. However, these people aren’t monsters. If you have a legitimate excuse, they’ll let you go home. Make sure you check your mail, though. Your deferral letter should arrive within the next few weeks.

The first fun-filled jury duty activity is the informational video. This video is filled with people telling you how much they love jury duty and how it’s a priviledge to be chosen. They also lay on pretty thick how it’s the most wonderful legal system. Don’t worry, they chose the best actors for this video. They’re very lifelike and convincing. “Even though I didn’t get paid, I would jump at the chance to serve on another jury. It gave me a deep appreciation of our legal system.” Yeah, okay… And now the video’s playing in French. Oh right, this is Canada.

You always can pick out the veteran jurors by their big books. They’re not fooled into thinking they’ll be in and out in 10 minutes. Speaking of long waits, “They’ll  be with you shortly,” has lost all meaning.

What Are You Wearing?

Posted in People Watching by

2270Some of my best ideas come from watching…er…observing people at Starbucks. For handy tips on how to do this stealthily, click here. You’re welcome. Most recently, the young and trendy folks purchasing their pumpkin lattes got me thinking about confusing beauty trends.

Why must all beauty trends be taken to the extreme? The most recent culprit: Magic Marker Eyebrows. You know what I’m talking about. When girls crazy thicken up their eyebrows in an attempt to make them look more natural. Why not just stop shaving them down to pencil-thin lines? You know, actually natural brows.

Faux Fur Vests. Okay, I understand that you’re against animal cruelty. I think that’s great. Take a stand! However, doesn’t wearing something that simulates fur kind of send the message that you wished that real fur wasn’t taken from a once-living animal so you can enjoy the crazy soft warmth? Think about it.

Suede Boots. Why would you make boots out of the one thing that can’t get wet? Aren’t warm boots essentially created for those cold days, usually accompanied by snow? There’s only so much protective spray can do. And I’ve seen what salt does to them. It’s not pretty. This argument can also be made for boots that look like sweaters.