The sad whipped boyfriend. We’ve all seen him. He’s often a few steps behind his girlfriend, carrying a gold, glittery purse stuffed to the brim with every in-case-of-emergency item imaginable. He always looks dissapointed, answering every order with a “Yes, dear.”
I recently had a thought looking at one of these sad, poor men. If the man’s going to be carrying his girlfriend’s purse around fairly frequently, shouldn’t they have more say in what it looks like?
Hear me out. Ladies, if you had a purse that looked less like an impractical designer explosion, and more of a rugged, leather satchel, your man probably wouldn’t give you as much grief about carrying it around. Maybe he wouldn’t be a few steps behind you, possibly rethinking his life decisions. Maybe you wouldn’t have to ask him to carry your bag anymore. Maybe he would own it and it would become his bag that you throw your crap into.
Some men carry great bags, and some men have girly bags thrust upon them. Think about it.
I’ve learned that, if you crowd enough people around and throw a few cameras into the mix, you can convince onlookers that they’re in the presence of a celebrity. The crowd will grow. People will stand around for great lengths, and for no apparent reason. I admit, I may have gotten caught up in a possible celebrity sighting once or twice. Although, after standing around for a few seconds, I quickly realized that no one was going to appear any time soon, and I kept moving. Why do we do it? They’re just people. Are we amazed that they jumped out of the TV and are now standing in front of us?
Personally, I’m glad my face isn’t world-famous. I enjoy blending into crowds and drinking my coffee in peace without being bombarded for autographs. Sure, if I was offered a celebrity-sized salary, I’d probably give it a try. You know, in the name of research.
I hate to lose. Unfortunately I’m winning-challenged and I lose quite often. It doesn’t really matter what I’m playing, The Game of Life, Chinese Checkers, or Fantasy Football. I lose so often that I’ve started to settle for “not last”. It’s become too far to reach for the top. If I can beat at least one person, I’ll probably agree to play the game again, maybe. If not, there’s a good chance I’ll throw the game board and all its pieces up in the air and storm out of the room. I may not be the best loser.
What’s the big deal about winning anyways? Is it really necessary to put someone down in order to feel better about ourselves? It’s just not enough for people to enjoy the inward satisfaction of winning. They have to constantly remind you that they beat you. Like they can’t fully enjoy winning unless you realize how you’ve failed in comparison to their greatness. Come on! It’s Fantasy Football! Can’t we shake hands and say ‘good game’ like regular football?!?!
Personally, I think there are worse things in the world than losing, like a building falling on you. That would be pretty hard to bounce back from. Yet, when someone beats you at a game of Risk, they might as well have conquered the real world. You didn’t actually conquer the world! It’s just pretend!! You wouldn’t last two seconds leading the charge in a real war!!! But I digress.
Losing builds character. Thousands (probably) of famous people were giant losers before they became the successful giants (not physically…well, maybe physically) that they now are. Maybe you should build some character and practice losing…so I can win.
Roughing-it really brings out your true self. Me, I’m not much of a camper. Don’t get me wrong, I have camped before. I did the whole sleeping in a tent, living like the wild thing. I even portaged. Mind you, I also managed to tip the canoe, knocking everyone’s stuff in the water. I think they learned a valuable lesson in survival.
I’m more of a cottager. In the summer, my family spends most of our weekends up at the cottage. Although many people envision a cottage as a luxurious summer home on the lake, ours is not quite like that. It’s a little more rustic than most. We do have indoor plumbing, but it’s not clean water. And with the laughable water pressure in the shower, you’re better off washing your hair in the lake.
As a kid, my siblings, my cousins, and I would play in the water all day, inventing creative ways to jump/ fall into the water. We’d play hide and seek, which is quite the challenge when you’re on an island. Now a days, our cottaging experience is a little different. We still play board games, but most of the time, we’re on our phones. When it rains, it thunders. When it thunders, it’s only a matter of time before your all sitting in a dark room. During the brink of every power outage, the first words out of anyone’s mouth are, “Charge your phones!” That, and, “Eat all the ice cream!” Seriously, you can’t have ice cream go to waste. If that’s not roughing it, I don’t know what is.
Good thing we still have the lake water to keep us grounded.
Lately, I’ve noticed that society has become more and more ridiculous, especially in terms of “fashion”. I choose to believe that my growing older has allowed me to see the error in society’s ways and I have decided to list my top fashion grievances for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.
Grievance #1: Holy Shirts
I walked into a store the other day (a store that shall remain nameless because, full disclosure, I still really like to shop there) and I found a shirt for sale that was full of holes. I’ve seen stray sparklers creating a very similar effect. It’s a whole lot cheaper. Plus, you get the added bonus of not knowing whether the whole shirt is going to go up in flames. I remember when I got rid of my clothes once they started falling apart. Now, people are paying extra and calling it “distressed”. Man, I should’ve hung onto those old, ratty jeans. I could’ve made a killing. Probably.
Grievance #2: Sleeveless Shirts
I remember when cutting the sleeves off your t-shirts was the cool thing to do to. I’m not sure if it was to better display your muscles or just to make them look bigger. Now, people are willing to pay extra for stores to do it for them. Where’s the rebellion in that? Also, how does half a shirt cost more than a whole shirt? Do they really have to create a whole shirt just to cut the sleeves off? How hard is it to make a shirt without sleeves? Instead of making sleeves, you just don’t.
Grievance #3: Extremely Distressed Denim
I was willing to put the other grievances aside until I came across an article
about how designers are throwing perfectly good jeans to lions and tigers in order to attain the perfect “distressed” look. Feel free to read all about it here
. When I saw this, I thought to myself, “Really? Are people really willing to risk their lives for a, ‘Hey, cute top,’?” For those of you who read this article and thought this was a brilliant idea, I hope you realize that you’re pro training lions to hunger for human apparel in the name of fashion. Think about that.
Now, I’m all about the carefree, boho-chic style, but you have to draw the line somewhere. I’ve decided that this is it.