Tag Archives: Humour

Yeah, I Cook!

Posted in Cooking, Life Tips by

BobsBurgers_Kitchen_1Some people cook because their wallets demand it. Others cook for the sheer enjoyment of creating something so delicious they almost don’t want to devour it, but come on, it’s food. I find myself in some middle camp where I want to learn to cook just in case I need to some day. I also just want to be able to say that I can. I mean, I can cook. It’s just easier to convince others if I have concrete proof to point to.

Needless to say, my cooking adventure continues! In this ongoing adventure, I have made a few observations. Observations that I would now like to share with you.

Confidence is Key

Basically, just make it look easy and it will be. This is a classic case of “fake it until you make it”. I’ve also learned that you can throw pretty much anything you want into a bowl, as long as you do it with confidence.

Cooking Should Be Faster

It takes far too long to turn ingredients into food. More people would cook if it was faster. Just look at how popular the microwave is. As a side note, I’m pretty sure that most cooking tools are unnecessary and promote laziness. I mean, who really needs a garlic press? Can’t people just chew it?

The Oven Can Be Your Best Friend

The best recipes involve the oven doing most of the work. Throw it in a dish. Throw it in the oven. Wait. Done. Cooking shouldn’t have to be hard. Why do people choose complicated recipes when there are easy ones that taste delicious?

People eat lemon zest?

I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to throw out the skin when you’re finished with the lemon.

Grown Up Easter

Posted in Family by

Celebrating Easter as an adult is tricky. Society leads us to believe that Easter is for kids. It’s all about the furry little animals and egg hunts. If the kids in your family have grown past Easter eggs hunts, what do you do?

Planning an Easter egg hunt can be a lot of work. Most people would assume that this leads to the end of Easter egg hunts. Not in my family. Apparently, the alternative involves my grandma throwing a salad bowl full of eggs in all directions while the grandchildren run to collect them. Eggs are thrown everywhere. There’s really no telling where they’ll land. The floor, the dinner table, your drink. She really can’t see so well.

Even though we’ve grown, the tradition continues. However, we’re not collecting eggs to enjoy a sweet treat as much as we are trying to keep them away from the dogs. Although the dogs seem very excited at the thought of their own hunt, it wouldn’t really bring quite the Easter surprise everyone hopes for. Also, don’t forget to check your drinks for stray eggs and broken glass. Enjoy!

The Realist Cooker

Posted in Cooking, Life Tips by

stove-fire1

So, I’ve decided to become a cooker. This is not to say that I don’t already know how to cook. I just haven’t had the need to in the past. Cooking elaborate dinners for one is not economical,  and frankly, I’m perfectly satisfied with a humble chicken and salad. Also, how difficult is it to pick up a dessert on the way to a party? It all disappears the same, maybe even quicker if it’s store-bought. With home-cooking comes possible illnesses. Personally, I’d rather go with the FDA approved option. But I digress.

Although I haven’t recently developed the need to cook, there’s no harm in practicing, in the event that, one day, individuals become dependant upon me for their nutrition and wellbeing. That, or I get bored with my current menu. I mean, how hard could it be? People on TV do it all the time.

How to Get Started

If you would also like to become a cooker, but don’t know where to begin, I am here to help. As someone who already knows…er…has recently decided to cook…more…I have the answers. Here’s what you do:

1. What do you want to cook?

Personally, treats and things are less overwhelming. No one’s livelihood is dependant on it.  If you don’t like it, you spit it out. Easy peasy. No pressure.

2. Find a Recipe

I like to look for simple recipes with roughly five ingredients or less. I don’t want to get caught up in long lists of items I’ve never heard of. If I already have all of the ingredients in my kitchen, automatically approved.

I also stick to recipes with a prep time of 15 minutes or less. I want to get in, bake, and get out. Who has all day to spend in the kitchen? However, this time limit does not include the time in the oven and/or stove. If I don’t have to be in the kitchen when it happens, it doesn’t count.

Also, if you know how to get a dose of TV magic, do it! Myself, I’m still figuring out how to enter my kitchen with all of the needed ingredients already measured out in convenient glass bowls. That Martha Stewart, how does she do it?

For some added inspiration, here is a link to my Eats Pinterest Board.*

3. Equip Yourself

If you expect to tackle your kitchen and win, you need to have the proper tools. You know, bowls, spatulas, a dough whisk, etc. For this, you can either raid your mom’s kitchen, or be adventurous, and explore a cooking store.

Side Note: 

Now, be careful who you share this news with. If you start announcing that you’ve become an avid cooker, people might start expecting dinners and fancy cakes at parties. I prefer the surprise approach. Like, “I brought a cake to your party. Yeah, I made it myself. What do you mean I don’t bake? Yeah, I bake!”

Stay tuned for more adventures as I explore the world of cooking/ refine my skills as a cooker.

*I feel the need to disclose that I am in no way affiliated with any of these recipe sources. Also, if you end up getting spammed and/or poisoned, I apologize. I haven’t actually clicked on all of these links/ made these recipes. I merely thought the pictures looked delicious.

How to be Invisible

Posted in Life Tips by

dummyConfrontation is uncomfortable. It’s even more uncomfortable when it involves telling someone that you don’t like them. My theory is: avoid confrontation at all costs. If you are quick enough and have a stream-lined system, you can still enjoy your favourite places, like the gym, without running into or having to face the seemingly inevitable uncomfortable situation.

Hypothetically speaking, let’s say you unintentionally caught the eye of someone at your gym. How did this happen? This is your happy place! Your escape from the world! You just renewed your membership for another year and now you have to quit! No, you don’t. Okay, let’s call that Plan B.

I’m here to tell you, there’s a better way. I call it the “get in/get out” approach. At the gym (hypothetically speaking), there are some people looking to chat. Some might even go out of their way to find you and start up a conversation when you’re clearly trying you pretend you didn’t see them when you walked in.

Earphones provide a great “La, la, la, I can’t hear you. I’m listening to music/ I’m in the zone” kind of vibe. I recommend one of those handy arm straps so you can continue to work out without having to also hold your phone/Zune/music listening device of choice. You don’t actually like listening to music when you work out? Not a problem. Handy tip: listening to music and pretending to listen to music look pretty much exactly the same. Maybe bop your head a few times so it looks like you’re really jamming out.

Focus is also key. Keep your eyes from straying and accidentally catching said person’s eye who might then notice you looking at them and take it as you wanting to talk to them/be friends in real life/outside the gym (or wherever). When you’re on the treadmill, look at the screen or your phone. When you’re walking from the treadmill to your locker or weights, look at the ground. You can also try looking down at your phone and pretending that you’re checking an important message, but this takes a skilled individual with a keen sense of their surroundings. If done incorrectly, you could accidentally walk into said individual and your carefully thought out plan goes straight in the garbage.

If you’re as stealth as an anvil and you’re not willing to bite the financial bullet of Plan B, there’s always Plan C. Write a blog post about your current situation and hope that said individual happens upon it and realizes that you’re a nice person who just didn’t want to break his heart and/or crush his dreams. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

I Got Jury Duty…Again

Posted in Canadian Living, People Watching by

This is the second time I’ve been “randomly selected” for jury duty. Surprisingly, it’s not as exciting as TV would have you believe. It’s a lot of waiting and standing around. If you’ve ever wondered what jury duty is like, it’s basically like waiting at an airport terminal for a plane that’s delayed, indefinately.

Most people tell you that as long as you present a half-decent reason, they’ll excuse you from jury duty. These people are wrong. Even if you work at an institution that works heavily with lawyers and your boss tells you that as long as you tell them what you do for a living, they’ll excuse you. He’s wrong. However, these people aren’t monsters. If you have a legitimate excuse, they’ll let you go home. Make sure you check your mail, though. Your deferral letter should arrive within the next few weeks.

The first fun-filled jury duty activity is the informational video. This video is filled with people telling you how much they love jury duty and how it’s a priviledge to be chosen. They also lay on pretty thick how it’s the most wonderful legal system. Don’t worry, they chose the best actors for this video. They’re very lifelike and convincing. “Even though I didn’t get paid, I would jump at the chance to serve on another jury. It gave me a deep appreciation of our legal system.” Yeah, okay… And now the video’s playing in French. Oh right, this is Canada.

You always can pick out the veteran jurors by their big books. They’re not fooled into thinking they’ll be in and out in 10 minutes. Speaking of long waits, “They’ll  be with you shortly,” has lost all meaning.