Learning to (Pretend) Fight

fullsizerender.jpgI’ve decided to become a fighter (take a boxing class). Someone like Demi Lovato… or the name of a real fighter [Note to self, learn the names of fighters that make you sound tougher when referencing]. I know what you’re thinking. Who’s trying to fight you? You live in Canada. People are nice there. That’s what I tried to explain to the instructor. He keeps referencing people wanting to fight me and insists I be prepared. I don’t think he realizes I’m here for the fitness aspect. I don’t plan on taking these skills into the real world. I don’t want to get hit in the face. Right, no one plans to get hit in the face.

Things You Should Know If You Want to be a Boxer

Boxing is like no other sport. You will have many unexpected injuries, especially considering the only people you’re fighting are imaginary.

Gloves are measured in ounces.

Apparently this refers to the weight of the glove and not the amount of liquid it can hold. Judging by the amount of sweat they accumulated, I’d bet my gloves can hold a lot more than 14 oz.

You can get injured even if you’re not fighting anyone.

Skipping is a big part of boxing. Not the actual fighting part, but apparently every good fighter has rhythm and skipping is the way to do that. However, you should know that skipping ropes are basically whips. Until you get the hang of it, you should be prepared for welts. I guess they’re not so much welts as raised slash marks. Either way, you’ll look like you lost an argument with a tiger. 

Skipping improperly will make you feel old.

It’s possible to jump wrong. If you jump wrong, your knees will be very sore and you will limp around work feeling that as soon as you hit 30, your body started to fall apart. Don’t worry, this can be corrected with practice and learning to jump better. It might take a while, though. You should have lots of ice on hand and plenty of Advil.

You’ll have to learn how to take a body shot.

One of the first exercises you will partake in as a fighter in training is learning to take a body shot. Again, who’s trying to punch me in the stomach? You will lie on the ground with your abdominal muscles flexed while another individual in the class drops a medicine ball on your stomach…repeatedly…from a couple of feet above you. This is to get you used to someone coming up to you and unexpectedly punching you in the stomach. It’s an incredibly odd feeling that you can’t prepare for. I’ve been told this is what getting the wind knocked out of you feels like. As I’m not a natural fighter, the only time I’ve experienced a similar feeling is when I fell out of a hammock, flat on my face. Don’t worry, the more you practice, the less it will hurt, except when your instructor kicks it up a notch and the ball is dropped from much higher.