Here I sit in a darkened room
With no power to call my own.
Only just a few minutes and soon
I won’t even have my phone.
Left to live as the pioneers did.
I’m about to leave the grid!
No TV. No radio. No motorcar.
Oh wait! Another bar!
Author Archives: Rachel
(Super) Northern Living
I live in the north, or so I thought until my brother decided to move to the “super” north. Okay, so it’s only about 1.5hrs north of where I live, but it’s far for my standards and remote enough to make my Caledon country lifestyle look like a crowded cityscape. However, since he has a beautiful home, and I happen to be very fond of him, I plan to visit often. And with these frequent trips, I figured I should devise a plan for survival.
Tips for Surviving the Super North
1. Indoor Plumbing
There’s just something about the open wilderness that makes you forget about the worries and stress of the city/ my life. That is, of course if this wilderness included plenty of sunshine and indoor plumbing. Living like the first men who walked this earth might sound like a party for some people, but I am not one of them. There’s no sense in kiboshing your hard earned relaxation with the thought of when your next hot shower will be…or cold one.
2. Have a plan-of-action for your long drive.
I’ve decided that I’m good to drive about an hour north. Once I pass that one hour mark and have another half hour of driving through empty fields, I get a little stir car crazy. This often involves a lot of shouting and contemplating abandoning my car on the side of the road and taking a nap. So far, I’ve chosen to power through the drive. To avoid this car fever, it can be helpful to bring a friend along for the journey. I also try to break up the drive with rest stops. You wouldn’t think that a rest stop is necessary for what some folks might consider a seemlingly short drive, but you would be wrong. Fortunately, my route is filled with several conveniently located Starbucks to choose from. I also find that jamming out to some good ole country tunes helps me to get in the small town country mood.
3. Take the time to fully explore the small-town nuances!
The local paper is a goldmine for neighbourhood gossip and local events. Fun fact, there’s an upcoming Butter Tart Festival that’s sure to be a sweet hit. They also include a two page spread highlighting garage sales in the area so you can plan your Saturday morning accordingly. And don’t forget to take a trip to the local Walmart. Oh sure, it’s just Walmart. I’m sure you have one in your town. Wrong! Here, people walk around unironically wearing cowboy hats.
C-List Celebrity Sightings
Some days, you never quite know where the day will take you. One minute you’re just going about your day. The next minute you’re watching a random guy faun over a c-list celebrity while he tries to enjoy a coffee with his wife. Seriously, I’m pretty sure this rando is truly hoping they’ll become best friends. I don’t think the celeb feels quite the same way. Oh, he did not just mention he wrote a screenplay…Run c-list celeb! Run!
Now, I will not drop the name of the celebrity I spotted. Mainly, to protect his (or her) identity, but also to keep the mystery alive. I always think the world could use more mystery, but I digress. However, I am going to share some helpful tips so you don’t end up stumbling upon an embarrassing situation for yourself.
So, you’ve spotted someone famous, now what?
1. Are you sure they’re famous?
C-list celebrities are tricky. Unlike A-list (and most B-list celebs), you don’t always know when one crosses your path. They almost look like normal civilians. They don’t have swarms of people following them as if they’re Brad Pitt. You end up staring at them for an uncomfortably long time trying to figure out why they look so familiar. It’s generally best if you can figure out who the individual is before you interrupt their peaceful afternoon, or frighten them.
2. No, he didn’t come to Starbucks to meet you.
I know, it’s shocking. I love when a stranger just plunks himself down next to a fairly well-known actor and starts talking to them like they’re friends. Just because someone’s on TV, and (virtually) spends a lot of time in your living room, that doesn’t mean you know them. Okay, maybe you know them, but they definitely don’t know you. Just let the man drink his coffee. I bet he wishes he didn’t sit down at the communal table. That’s always a gamble. Fortunately, for me, the gamble payed off with this interesting exchange. I’m not sure this actor feels the same way.
3. No, you are not the same person.
I love when certain individuals meet people with interesting jobs and they all of a sudden try to justify how they’re pretty much the same person. Ok, yeah…that’s why you’re not a fire fighter. “Oh, you’re an actor? I did theatre in high school.” Yeah, that’s the same. “I’m actually working on a screenplay…” (They always happen to be working on a screenplay). “You have a “daughter” who wants to be an actor? Great…”
Yeah, I Cook!
Some people cook because their wallets demand it. Others cook for the sheer enjoyment of creating something so delicious they almost don’t want to devour it, but come on, it’s food. I find myself in some middle camp where I want to learn to cook just in case I need to some day. I also just want to be able to say that I can. I mean, I can cook. It’s just easier to convince others if I have concrete proof to point to.
Needless to say, my cooking adventure continues! In this ongoing adventure, I have made a few observations. Observations that I would now like to share with you.
Confidence is Key
Basically, just make it look easy and it will be. This is a classic case of “fake it until you make it”. I’ve also learned that you can throw pretty much anything you want into a bowl, as long as you do it with confidence.
Cooking Should Be Faster
It takes far too long to turn ingredients into food. More people would cook if it was faster. Just look at how popular the microwave is. As a side note, I’m pretty sure that most cooking tools are unnecessary and promote laziness. I mean, who really needs a garlic press? Can’t people just chew it?
The Oven Can Be Your Best Friend
The best recipes involve the oven doing most of the work. Throw it in a dish. Throw it in the oven. Wait. Done. Cooking shouldn’t have to be hard. Why do people choose complicated recipes when there are easy ones that taste delicious?
People eat lemon zest?
I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to throw out the skin when you’re finished with the lemon.
Grown Up Easter
Celebrating Easter as an adult is tricky. Society leads us to believe that Easter is for kids. It’s all about the furry little animals and egg hunts. If the kids in your family have grown past Easter eggs hunts, what do you do?
Planning an Easter egg hunt can be a lot of work. Most people would assume that this leads to the end of Easter egg hunts. Not in my family. Apparently, the alternative involves my grandma throwing a salad bowl full of eggs in all directions while the grandchildren run to collect them. Eggs are thrown everywhere. There’s really no telling where they’ll land. The floor, the dinner table, your drink. She really can’t see so well.
Even though we’ve grown, the tradition continues. However, we’re not collecting eggs to enjoy a sweet treat as much as we are trying to keep them away from the dogs. Although the dogs seem very excited at the thought of their own hunt, it wouldn’t really bring quite the Easter surprise everyone hopes for. Also, don’t forget to check your drinks for stray eggs and broken glass. Enjoy!
A Laptop In The Wind 