For Those Who Don’t Have Little Brothers (And Those That Do)

bobs-burgers-1This post is for those who don’t know what it’s like to have a little brother. Also, for those of you who have dull little brothers, feel free to read on.

First off, I would like to preface this post by saying that I have an older and a younger brother and I love them both equally. This post in no way suggests that I love my younger brother more. It is simply a testament to his special brand of entertainment value.

Most people who want to make their mark in this world write a simple “Rachel was here” on a bathroom stall. My little brother is not most people. My brother’s insurance broker so kindly sent him a sheet of complimentary address labels. Since my brother isn’t a big advocate for correspondence, he didn’t know what to do with them. He decided to be creative and label everything in my room. Books, windows, mugs, pens, everything was stamped. I suppose there are worse things he could’ve marked his territory with. I still have some stuck to my ceiling fan. Although, I’ve found that as long as it’s turned on and I keep a light layer of dust on it, no one’s the wiser.

One year, my brother invented a new sport: white water kayaking. Let me tell you, it is even more ridiculous than it sounds. Imagine white water rafting, except that you’re in a kayak and you’re tied to a wave runner by a ski rope. Yeah, I don’t think this sport is making it’s way to the olympics any time soon. Maybe a Japanese game show. However, it is one of the funniest things I’ve seen.

When my brother gets bored he gets creative, and when he gets creative, people loose eyebrows. Fortunately, they’re usually his eyebrows. Word to the wise, when my brother says, “Hey, you wanna see something cool?”, run! One time, he wanted to show me an experiment he learned in chemistry that involved a glass, lighter fluid, and a match. Now, I don’t remember what was supposed to happen, but my brother’s a big believer in Tim Taylor’s bigger is better philosophy. He poured lighter fluid into a tall glass and dropped a match in it. The flame was much bigger than he anticipated and he tried to quickly blow it out. My brother soon went from having straight hair to having curly, burnt ends. The next thing I knew, my brother was in the bathroom, trimming off the singed bits.

Growing up, me and my older brother would try to get our younger brother to do ridiculous things.  Now, he does ridiculous things all on his own. We trained him well. For those of you who don’t have a little brother, you can borrow mine whenever you want. However, I suggest keeping a fire extinguisher on hand. You know, just in case.


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